Inconvenient dialogues

Words: 421
Reading Time: 1 minute 24 seconds

An appointment is an arrangement to meet at a specific time and place.

Now, to my way of thinking, that involves two or more people agreeing to a date, a time and a rendezvous. However, certain parts of our wonderful NHS continue to send out letters claiming that an appointment has been made without first talking with the person involved.

They then post large and irritating notices in their clinics and waiting rooms that announce how many appointments patients have failed to keep in the last month, or the last year.

There is no breakdown detailing how many such broken “appointments” were unilaterally decreed by the NHS.

If I was running a restaurant and sent you an “appointment” for coffee and croissants at 8.30 a.m. on the 25th without your agreement I could hardly blame you if you decided not to come.

Why does the NHS think it is so different?

Perhaps the NHS believes our health would naturally be our primary concern. Indeed, in a recent poll it was placed first, ahead of wealth and happiness. However, on a day-to-day basis it often ranks lower than that.

If someone close to us is unwell we may postpone seeking treatment for a minor ailment of our own. Some people put off seeing the doctor, fearing the possible diagnosis. Others struggle into work despite being ill. So, clearly, health does not rank No.1 in all circumstances.

Those “broken” appointments may have been sent to someone who is out of the country, unable to read, otherwise incapacitated, or dead. How would the NHS know without trying to speak with the person in order to agree – rather than decree – an appointment?

Having a dialogue before setting a date and time would probably cost less in time and money than the all the subsequent rescheduling and the unused resources resulting from non-attendance.

Of course, the NHS is not alone in taking a cavalier and high-handed attitude. Too often businesses blame unreasonable and uncooperative prospects and clients instead of looking for the root cause of discrimination and displeasure. Too often the approach is ‘don’t bother me with the facts, I prefer my prejudices.’

Everybody loses, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Business suggestions
1) Talk to your prospects and your clients;
2) Don’t blame the customer when things go wrong;
3) Uncover the facts instead of making assumptions;
4) Seek feedback from those who are not your customers as well as folks who are;
5) Ask ‘how do I?’ rather than ‘why?’ – it’s forward looking and much more productive.

Aural Communication

Words: 478 Reading time: 1 minute 36 seconds

Being listened to is a fantastic experience; merely being heard pales in comparison.

Even young children know the difference, hence the familiar cry, “Mummy, you’re not listening!” and the hasty reassurance “I am dear, I am” as she continues multi-tasking. Rarely is the infant completely mollified and the whole exchange ends as less than satisfactory to both parties.

It’s small wonder that an estimated 75% of oral communication is ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten.

How often do you ask someone to repeat what they said, not because it was inaudible, but because you failed to catch their message the first time?

How often are you asked, “Why don’t you listen?” particularly by your partner or your children?

Our ability to listen builds trust, credibility and understanding. By listening we develop and maintain strong business links, healthy family relationships, and an active social network.

To listen properly we need to:

1. Be aware of the speaker’s mood and react accordingly. Often much of the message is conveyed by intonation, pitch, volume and body language. To listen properly we also need to see what they mean.

2. Allow silence to build, giving room for our companion to clarify or reflect on their point. We need to hear the whole story before we can respond effectively. The whole story includes not only what is said, but also what is not said.

3. Summarise to ensure understanding. In doing so, use the very same words that your companion used, as far as possible. For you the words “job” and “occupation” may mean the same thing. However, that may not be the case where they are concerned.

4. Never make assumptions about what the topic means to the speaker and how if affects them. You may be hearing a traumatic tale being told as a humorous interlude. Your interlocutor does so simply because that’s the only way they can deal with it. But how can you tell?

5. Suspend judgement (this can be difficult to master but is powerful and rewarding). That means not forming your opinion before listening to everything, getting clarification and having taken time to reflect. Seconds into a conversation some people think they already know the answer and interrupt the speaker in order to deliver it.

Although it's counterintuitive to many people skilful listening is often more valuable than talking. And listening is a much higher quality experience than hearing. Accept no substitutes when the outcome really matters.

One might suppose that in conversation people take turns talking and listening. For most exchanges it would be more accurate to say that while one person is speaking, the other is reloading. To avoid this trap refrain from mentally disagreeing, criticising or arguing.

Some dire consequences can follow from neglecting this critical skill: confusion, hurt feelings, incomplete instructions, embarrassment, and dissatisfaction. All of which can be alleviated by practicing proper listening techniques.