Lessons in Staying Positive – #7

Words: 526. Reading time: 1 minute 46 seconds.

By and large we all start out as resilient individuals. It is that attribute in the very young – the ability and willingness to bounce back – that takes us all through the many and varied hazards of growing up.

As youngsters we are typically curious and persistent. In learning to walk we fall many times, but it seems to make little difference. A few minutes later we are trying again. The same goes for climbing, talking, eating, dressing and a host of other skills we master as we grow.

We even shrug off our parents’ ire at being pestered and plagued into doing what they repeatedly tell us they are not going to do until our corrosive beleaguering causes them to give in to our demands, just to buy a little peace.

But, as we get older, we often lose that perseverance, even when it is in our own interests to maintain it. We give more weight to opinions that are not our own. We become more timid, self-effacing and deprecating. We pass it off as being considerate, even well-mannered, when in truth it is self-sabotaging and self-denying.

But did you know that resilience is a skill that can be re-learned?

I mean really re-learned, in life-or-death situations, not just as a soft and easy exercise in the comfort of a classroom or as part of a course.

Survivors re-learn from other survivors the resilience skills those people possess. This is true of people who have survived in a concentration camp, successfully recovered against the odds from a terminal illness or survived some other major life event or situation.

Although such 'survivors' are all different, it has been found that they all have certain traits and skills in common. These include objectivity, humour and persistence.

And you can redevelop these skills too.

Survivor traits have a fascinating irony about them.

Although you might think that to be a survivor is 100% positive, the very traits that make an individual a survivor are those that are most often criticised by others.

For example, survivors are often labelled as 'pessimists' because they anticipate problems.

However, the difference between a standard pessimist and a survivor is that survivors are 'optimistically pessimistic' – they anticipate challenges, act on them and know that whatever happens they will not only survive - but thrive.

Many survivors have also been labelled as having a 'warped' sense of humour, or of 'not fitting in' or 'not playing by the rules'.

And to survive that is sometimes what it takes. When everyone else is giving up and becoming resigned to their fate because “it is happening to everybody; it’s a world problem” you will be inevitably marked out as different if you refuse to conform to the norm and accept your fate.

There is no such thing as a “world problem”. The world has no problems, only us humans.

And you can become part of that problem, or you can build your resilience and find a solution.

As Virginia Satir put it so well, “Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

Lessons in Staying Positive – #2

Words: 276. Reading time: 1 minute 4 seconds.

If you think businesses are struggling, take a look at Tesco: Group sales grew by 11.7% in the 13 weeks to 22nd November.

If you think Tesco’s is alone take a look at Primark: total sales grew by 21% in the year to Sept 13 and profits grew by 17%.

Not bad for an economy that is supposedly suffering badly and a sector that is said to be suffering more than most.

The argument that they have prospered because they are both at the ‘economy’ end of the spectrum is belied by the demise of Woolworth’s. Clearly, piling it high and selling it cheap is no guarantee of survival.

In a similar vein the media, even Governments, would have you believe that banks all over the world are in dire straits and that none of it is due to a gross neglect of duty by the regulators.

Take a look at the Lebanese banks. They are stronger than ever. That’s partly due to the way they conduct business, partly due to strict regulation. Well now, if they can do it, where were the UK Treasury and the US Securities Commission?

And that’s the second lesson: particularise rather than generalise. Generalising is marked by sweeping expressions that allow for no exceptions, such as:

· Everyone & No one
· Everywhere & Nowhere
· Everything & Nothing
· Always & Never
· Best & Worst

Who thinks they have heard reports recently that the FTSE 100 had its worst day ever? And who is aware that the FTSE 100 only started in 1984? Less than 25 years of comparatives doesn’t tell you very much, does it?

Even the FT30 index, which is the oldest continuous index in the UK and one of the oldest in the world, only began on July 1 1935.

Life survived and flourished even though a cataclysmic event wiped out the dinosaurs. The same is true today. Events that are wholly positive or wholly negative are rare events indeed.