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I recently came across an aphorism of John Maxwell's (Attitude 101 from Nelson Business) who said “life is about 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react.”
One obvious implication is that if we choose to react less we will create more room for those things that happen to us. By choosing the events we want to notice we can respond in a considered manner with an outcome in mind, rather than being pulled hither and thither by our emotions in an uncontrolled way affected by random occurrences.
So far so good, but we also need to recognize that our life is often taken up with more than what happens. How much of life is worrying about things that will never happen? John Maxwell seems to have left that out of his reckoning.
Bob Proctor offers the following as an educated guess about the things that worry people:
Things that never happen – 40%;
Things past that can’t be changed by all the worry in the world – 30%;
Needless worries about our health – 12%;
Petty miscellaneous worries – 10%;
Real, legitimate worries – 8%.
And Sir Winston Churchill reminded us of the old man who said on his deathbed that he’d had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened.
Evolution has favoured those people that accentuate the negative. Individuals who vividly recall their previous unhappy experience – or more likely someone else’s – with poisonous toadstools, or an angry grizzly bear is more likely to survive and reproduce successfully.
Consequently, ask anyone to recall the events of the day and they will more easily and more frequently recall the bad happenings than the good. The traffic jam, the delayed train, the stressful meeting, the missed lunch, the extra workload, the broken promises will all figure more prominently and with greater precedence than the safe arrival, the word of appreciation, the delicious dinner and the expectations fulfilled.
Similarly, when asked to list their notable traits most people will denigrate themselves rather than risk blowing their own trumpet. We have been trained to focus much more on our shortcomings than on our virtues.
Evolution is not the only culprit. Home and, in particular, schooling has played a large part. We will probably all recall (there it goes again) the “must try harder” on our report card, what subject it was and who taught that class.
I believe schools could learn much from the adult world, if only they would let themselves learn.
When Andy Murray is practising he is not directed to another sport where his talents are less evident. Steve Gerard is not asked to “try harder” with his goal-keeping. Vanessa-Mae is not admonished to brush up her trombone playing.
When working with my clients we both seek ways to capitalize on their manifest abilities and morph that success into equally promising areas. We do not seek to change a tap washer if the boat is holed below the waterline.
In cataloguing our own qualities it would pay greater dividends, more often, by investing where the returns are already shown to be good, than in wasting time, effort and money reinforcing failure.
We all have different talents and different levels of talent. Maximize your personal returns and give others the scope to maximize theirs by delegating what you are not so good at, or do not enjoy as much.
In international trade it’s known as comparative advantage.
I recently came across an aphorism of John Maxwell's (Attitude 101 from Nelson Business) who said “life is about 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react.”
One obvious implication is that if we choose to react less we will create more room for those things that happen to us. By choosing the events we want to notice we can respond in a considered manner with an outcome in mind, rather than being pulled hither and thither by our emotions in an uncontrolled way affected by random occurrences.
So far so good, but we also need to recognize that our life is often taken up with more than what happens. How much of life is worrying about things that will never happen? John Maxwell seems to have left that out of his reckoning.
Bob Proctor offers the following as an educated guess about the things that worry people:
Things that never happen – 40%;
Things past that can’t be changed by all the worry in the world – 30%;
Needless worries about our health – 12%;
Petty miscellaneous worries – 10%;
Real, legitimate worries – 8%.
And Sir Winston Churchill reminded us of the old man who said on his deathbed that he’d had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened.
Evolution has favoured those people that accentuate the negative. Individuals who vividly recall their previous unhappy experience – or more likely someone else’s – with poisonous toadstools, or an angry grizzly bear is more likely to survive and reproduce successfully.
Consequently, ask anyone to recall the events of the day and they will more easily and more frequently recall the bad happenings than the good. The traffic jam, the delayed train, the stressful meeting, the missed lunch, the extra workload, the broken promises will all figure more prominently and with greater precedence than the safe arrival, the word of appreciation, the delicious dinner and the expectations fulfilled.
Similarly, when asked to list their notable traits most people will denigrate themselves rather than risk blowing their own trumpet. We have been trained to focus much more on our shortcomings than on our virtues.
Evolution is not the only culprit. Home and, in particular, schooling has played a large part. We will probably all recall (there it goes again) the “must try harder” on our report card, what subject it was and who taught that class.
I believe schools could learn much from the adult world, if only they would let themselves learn.
When Andy Murray is practising he is not directed to another sport where his talents are less evident. Steve Gerard is not asked to “try harder” with his goal-keeping. Vanessa-Mae is not admonished to brush up her trombone playing.
When working with my clients we both seek ways to capitalize on their manifest abilities and morph that success into equally promising areas. We do not seek to change a tap washer if the boat is holed below the waterline.
In cataloguing our own qualities it would pay greater dividends, more often, by investing where the returns are already shown to be good, than in wasting time, effort and money reinforcing failure.
We all have different talents and different levels of talent. Maximize your personal returns and give others the scope to maximize theirs by delegating what you are not so good at, or do not enjoy as much.
In international trade it’s known as comparative advantage.
