Lessons in Staying Positive – #5

Words: 595. Reading time: 1 minute 59 seconds.

So many people read book after book on better management, leadership, engagement, marketing, even surviving the recession. Some will admit they are searching for the newest technique. Few recognize their hunt as a quest for the Holy Grail of enterprise.

They attend workshops and seminars and briefings believing that one day, if they attend enough, or just attend the right one, then all those things they struggle with will disappear – they’ll know all the answers.

Perhaps this fifth lesson will provide that answer: you will always have issues to solve. The fact is they signify that the business is in a rapid learning phase. And the more issues you have the more rapid the learning needs to be.

Faced with uncertainty your possible responses go beyond the simple alternatives of flight or fight. Psychologists now also recognize freeze (extreme vigilance while immobile), fright (“playing dead”) and faint. In business there is usually a sixth reaction – flap.

And flap is what we see and hear most. It emanates from people in both business and Government. It’s most avid propagators reside in the media where any event is expressed in whatever superlatives comes most readily to hand: biggest/lowest/deepest/highest…since…the war/the 1930s/this century/this year.

It’s interesting to note the more sober and considered findings from some times of previous panic.

A study conducted by McGraw-Hill of the relationship between marketing and sales in 143 companies during the severe 1974-75 downturn found that those companies that did not cut their marketing in either of the negative growth years had the highest growth in net income during both the recessionary years as well as in the two subsequent years.

And in a study of the 1981-82 recession McGraw-Hill found that companies that cut their marketing increased sales by only 19% between 1980 and 1985. However, those companies that continued their marketing during the downturn enjoyed a 275% sales increase over the same period.

So-called difficulties, like complaints, are a gift.

So-called difficulties will have some folks running for cover, unwilling to face their own fears and failings – always forgetting that failure is a sign we are growing.

But difficulties, once faced, are seldom as bad or overpowering as they first seem.

A story, adapted from Aesop, tells of a soldier on the way home alone from a glorious battle who meets a small, puny looking monster. Proud of his martial prowess the soldier beats the monster about the head. Soon the monster lies in a heap on the ground and the soldier strolls on.

Within minutes the monster is in front of him again, but now he looks somewhat bigger and somewhat less puny. Once more he batters the monster to the ground, but this time it takes a great deal more toil and trouble.

Finally victorious the soldier wearily continues along the path, only to find himself facing the monster for a third time. This time the monster is so much bigger and so much stronger that it is the soldier who is defeated and he runs away, back the way he came.

Meeting an old comrade the soldier urges him to help him defeat the monster. As they approach the place where the soldier first met the monster he sees it has returned to its small and puny size. His friend laughs and says:

“If you pick a quarrel with something unpleasant when you don’t really have to, then it simply grows more unpleasant. Let’s just leave the feeble little thing where it is.”

So they did. They simply brushed past it. And the monster never bothered them again.

Changing the Past

Words: 657 Reading time: 2 minute 12 seconds

It is a common piece of folklore that you cannot change the past. The result is that some people feel regret, sorrow, depressed and even traumatised by past events. Day after day they live with the past. It is constantly in their thoughts.

Other people feel committed or constrained by something either said or done many years ago. They feel that occasion etched in stone exactly who they are, what they can aspire to and how they live their lives. These people live in the past. They believe they cannot move beyond it.

For both of these groups the folklore is true. For them the past is unchanging. They preserve it, often at great personal cost, like some religious icon, or pagan totem. It’s a constant touchstone, a firm, dependable datum from which everything and everyone else is measured.

For everyone else it is perfectly possible to change the past, and we do so regularly.

Who of us has not “forgotten” some episode from our youth that we are reminded of uncomfortably, perhaps at a large family gathering?

Who can remember each moment of every day for just the last twelve months, never mind ten or twenty years back?

The events of those days may have happened, or they may have been imagined, but for us they are lost forever. For us there is no difference between our acting as if they didn’t take place and the event never happening at all. The result is the same.

The reverse of the medal is the creation of “false memories”. If a person comes to believe absolutely that certain things happened to them, then they begin to exhibit the same symptoms as those who actually experienced similar events – usually highly traumatic. The acquired “false memory” is as real as any other – the past has been changed.

Wartime, in particular, is replete with propaganda that deletes whole incidents, or creates a baseless reality.

The Katyn Forest massacre was written out of history for decades until it was finally confirmed in April 1990. Whether that confirmation will later be modified we cannot know.

The idea that eating carrots significantly improves night vision persists to this day. However, the tale was originally dreamed up by British propagandists to explain away the success of allied night fighters against German bombers that, in reality, depended on radar.

Re-interpretation also changes our past.

What we “know” of Roman Britain was written by the Romans. Modern archaeology is beginning to uncover finds that suggest things may not have been quite as the Romans depicted them. The past is changing.

In the past artists have been hailed for their great creativity and daring innovations. While not questioning their talents the sources of some of their idiosyncrasies are now being thrown into doubt.

Was El Greco's oblique elongation of his characters due to astigmatism?

Was Constable a colour-defective?

Was the Impressionist style of painting due to the myopia and cataracts of its leading components?

Are van Gogh's yellow and haloed paintings due to the ocular side effects of digitalis toxicity?

We are rewriting the story of how these things came into being. We are changing the past.

Religion is another area rich with alternative versions of the past. In the thirteenth century, in Christian areas of the world, the infallibility of the Pope was unquestioned. Today few believe those ancient pontiffs were without flaws.

If you are hooked into the idea that the past does not change and cannot now be changed, then perhaps it is time to think again. Even how we feel about events in the past can be changed by reframing the experiences in question:

* Re-cast failure as learning.

* See loss of a loved one as just the end of one chapter.

* Re-colour illness as a fork in the road.

The scope for changing the past is limited only by your own imagination. And the past says nothing about who you are today and the person you will become tomorrow.

Lessons in Staying Positive – #4

Words: 421. Reading time: 1 minute 24 seconds.

When people choose to feel stressed most also become very black-or-white in their thinking.

Things become either wholly one thing, or completely the opposite and, if people are feeling stress in a negative mind frame, they tend to focus much more on what may go wrong or what they might lose.

However, the standard response of rushing from pillar to post in an effort to cover all the bases, cramming more and more into every available minute, is unlikely to prove effective.

Is hurrying, accompanied by a constant sense of urgency, really the outcome we desire?

Apparently, engaging in these “roadrunner days” can lead to an increase in the cortisol levels in our blood. And because cortisol shuts down learning it is just about the least effective reaction we can have when faced with change and uncertainty.

The ability to learn and learn fast is exactly what we need to retain when confronting challenges.

The fourth lesson is: slow down to get there faster. In particular:

1. No hurrying through conversations. The most important conversations in our lives deserve our attention. You won’t know how important any conversation is unless you take the time to stop and listen (see Aural Communication).

2. Slowing down means not missing the treasures in life that we don’t notice when we’re hurrying. This may be the delight of a child, birdsong in the morning, or the awkward, halting, but heartfelt gratitude of someone we’ve helped.

3. We can slow down without necessarily dawdling. Instead we can now do the right things, at the right time, in the right way, at the right pace. The time needed will come from eliminating all the effort previously spent in looking busy and harassed, while being largely unproductive. Who’s benefit did that truly serve other than our own?

There’s a lovely little story on just this point.

A farmer had a wagon full of apples. He stopped a man on the side of the road and asked how far it was to market.

The man replied, “If you go slowly it’s about 3 hours away.”

However, the farmer was in a hurry. He didn’t want to spend 3 hours getting to market, so he decided to go much faster and thus arrive sooner.

But the road was filled with ruts, potholes and pebbles. The faster he went the more of his apples bounced out of the wagon.

By going faster he made sure that the journey lasted all day, because he had to keep stopping to pick up his apples.

Aural Communication

Words: 478 Reading time: 1 minute 36 seconds

Being listened to is a fantastic experience; merely being heard pales in comparison.

Even young children know the difference, hence the familiar cry, “Mummy, you’re not listening!” and the hasty reassurance “I am dear, I am” as she continues multi-tasking. Rarely is the infant completely mollified and the whole exchange ends as less than satisfactory to both parties.

It’s small wonder that an estimated 75% of oral communication is ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten.

How often do you ask someone to repeat what they said, not because it was inaudible, but because you failed to catch their message the first time?

How often are you asked, “Why don’t you listen?” particularly by your partner or your children?

Our ability to listen builds trust, credibility and understanding. By listening we develop and maintain strong business links, healthy family relationships, and an active social network.

To listen properly we need to:

1. Be aware of the speaker’s mood and react accordingly. Often much of the message is conveyed by intonation, pitch, volume and body language. To listen properly we also need to see what they mean.

2. Allow silence to build, giving room for our companion to clarify or reflect on their point. We need to hear the whole story before we can respond effectively. The whole story includes not only what is said, but also what is not said.

3. Summarise to ensure understanding. In doing so, use the very same words that your companion used, as far as possible. For you the words “job” and “occupation” may mean the same thing. However, that may not be the case where they are concerned.

4. Never make assumptions about what the topic means to the speaker and how if affects them. You may be hearing a traumatic tale being told as a humorous interlude. Your interlocutor does so simply because that’s the only way they can deal with it. But how can you tell?

5. Suspend judgement (this can be difficult to master but is powerful and rewarding). That means not forming your opinion before listening to everything, getting clarification and having taken time to reflect. Seconds into a conversation some people think they already know the answer and interrupt the speaker in order to deliver it.

Although it's counterintuitive to many people skilful listening is often more valuable than talking. And listening is a much higher quality experience than hearing. Accept no substitutes when the outcome really matters.

One might suppose that in conversation people take turns talking and listening. For most exchanges it would be more accurate to say that while one person is speaking, the other is reloading. To avoid this trap refrain from mentally disagreeing, criticising or arguing.

Some dire consequences can follow from neglecting this critical skill: confusion, hurt feelings, incomplete instructions, embarrassment, and dissatisfaction. All of which can be alleviated by practicing proper listening techniques.

Lessons in Staying Positive – #3

Words: 388. Reading time: 1 minute 18 seconds.

We all tell stories. We construct them from the events we pick out of our moment-to-moment existence. However, the events that I choose to notice and those that loom large for you will often be different – even when the whole experience would appear to be the same.

Have you ever been present at the same meeting with a colleague, but come away with a different version of what took place?

Or to the theatre with a friend who noticed aspects of the drama that completely escaped you?

Or seen an accident after which your witness statement differed from that of another honest observer?

Of all the stories in the world the most compelling are those we tell about ourselves to ourselves. Our story is our life; it is our version of reality. Our stories impose order and meaning on the chaos; they give us structure and direction.

Recently I asked a business acquaintance what her story was. She jumped right in with her first job and then told me about each job she has had since.

That’s interesting; what happened to her childhood? What happened to the rest of her life?

What does it say about her? And what story is she telling herself?

As life unfolds for you:
(a) what will you choose to focus on?
(b) how will you interpret what you focus on?
(c) what will you do and (a) and (b)?

If we see the thorn and not the rose, the past and not the possibility, the lesson and not the learning then we will tend to awfulize.

Awfulizing keeps us stuck in the past exclusively viewing the worst of the world. It then extrapolates from that very selective stance to a future ever and always more dire.

The third lesson is to glamorize rather than awfulize.

If you notice yourself awfulizing, neutralize your runaway thoughts with these two questions.

- How is being attached to this awfulized story influencing my reaction?
- How would I be different in this situation if I were not attached to that story?

It’s a rare situation that goes as badly as the scenarios you make up in your mind beforehand.

So what is the worse that can happen? And what is the best that can happen?

Which would you choose to focus on to maximize its chances?

Knowing Is Not Enough

Words: 561 Reading time: 1 minute 52 seconds

It isn’t what we know that determines the outcome; it’s what we do with what we know.

Example 1
Prior to “Operation Market Garden” in September 1944 the senior Allied commanders knew that the 9th and 10th SS Panzer Divisions were located on the corridor that the Allies planned to use for their narrow-front thrust. This made achieving the objective highly unlikely.

More than 16,800 Allied troops were killed, wounded or captured in a fruitless effort that was essentially targeted at assuaging a bruised ego.

Example 2
In December of the same year the Germans launched a tactically brilliant offensive through the Ardennes, inflicting heavy losses on inexperienced Allied troops.

Just like Market Garden 'It was not intelligence (evaluated information of the enemy) that failed. The failure was the commanders and certain G-2's, who did not act on the intelligence they had,' according to one of Patton's subordinates.

Although both of these failures to listen came close together, they are by no means unique. Similar failures had preceded them in earlier times and others have followed in later times.

Example 3
The North Vietnamese Easter Offensive of 1972 was similar and as one author has pointed out "Though the location, numbers and types of forces were not the same, the command assumptions, the weather and the use and misuse of intelligence had almost the same catastrophic effects in both clashes.... "

Example 4
Ten years later, in the South Atlantic, the Falklands war may have been avoidable. In any event it was undoubtedly made more costly and riskier by the intelligence failure that preceded it. British officials were unresponsive to warnings that diplomacy had failed and invasion was imminent.

Example 5
In 2003 it was Iraq. As the White House has acknowledged, intelligence on Iraqi weapons programs did not drive its decision to go to war.

The intelligence on Iraq was there. It did not get things wrong and thereby mislead policymakers. Once again the leaders were insensitive to information that suggested that the course of action on which they were embarked was likely to lead to disaster.

These examples are drawn from the military sphere simply because mistakes there tend to more visible and better documented than failures in business. But similar failures in business abound. Failures where the enterprise does not give sufficient weight either to facts within its purview, or relevant facts easily revealed.

Many people, let alone businesses, are uneasy acknowledging that many of the conventions and principles they operate on are unwritten, unspoken and unconscious. Psychologists estimate that 95% of the things we say and do each day are done on “autopilot”, that is automatically, unthinkingly and routinely.

And the very familiarity of such actions mean they go unrecognised and unquestioned long after they cease to be either safe or appropriate. Thus it is that we wake up one day to find ourselves in an awful mess without realising quite how we got there.

The tragedy is that working with either a business coach, or an NLP Practitioner for even a short period of time will begin to raise awareness of the subconscious paradigms we are running and what the implications might be.

Make just one New Year’s Resolution – start working on raising your awareness of yourself and your business so that you can improve your chances of recognising the warning signs before it is too late.