Words: 388. Reading time: 1 minute 18 seconds.
We all tell stories. We construct them from the events we pick out of our moment-to-moment existence. However, the events that I choose to notice and those that loom large for you will often be different – even when the whole experience would appear to be the same.
Have you ever been present at the same meeting with a colleague, but come away with a different version of what took place?
Or to the theatre with a friend who noticed aspects of the drama that completely escaped you?
Or seen an accident after which your witness statement differed from that of another honest observer?
Of all the stories in the world the most compelling are those we tell about ourselves to ourselves. Our story is our life; it is our version of reality. Our stories impose order and meaning on the chaos; they give us structure and direction.
Recently I asked a business acquaintance what her story was. She jumped right in with her first job and then told me about each job she has had since.
That’s interesting; what happened to her childhood? What happened to the rest of her life?
What does it say about her? And what story is she telling herself?
As life unfolds for you:
(a) what will you choose to focus on?
(b) how will you interpret what you focus on?
(c) what will you do and (a) and (b)?
If we see the thorn and not the rose, the past and not the possibility, the lesson and not the learning then we will tend to awfulize.
Awfulizing keeps us stuck in the past exclusively viewing the worst of the world. It then extrapolates from that very selective stance to a future ever and always more dire.
The third lesson is to glamorize rather than awfulize.
If you notice yourself awfulizing, neutralize your runaway thoughts with these two questions.
- How is being attached to this awfulized story influencing my reaction?
- How would I be different in this situation if I were not attached to that story?
It’s a rare situation that goes as badly as the scenarios you make up in your mind beforehand.
So what is the worse that can happen? And what is the best that can happen?
We all tell stories. We construct them from the events we pick out of our moment-to-moment existence. However, the events that I choose to notice and those that loom large for you will often be different – even when the whole experience would appear to be the same.
Have you ever been present at the same meeting with a colleague, but come away with a different version of what took place?
Or to the theatre with a friend who noticed aspects of the drama that completely escaped you?
Or seen an accident after which your witness statement differed from that of another honest observer?
Of all the stories in the world the most compelling are those we tell about ourselves to ourselves. Our story is our life; it is our version of reality. Our stories impose order and meaning on the chaos; they give us structure and direction.
Recently I asked a business acquaintance what her story was. She jumped right in with her first job and then told me about each job she has had since.
That’s interesting; what happened to her childhood? What happened to the rest of her life?
What does it say about her? And what story is she telling herself?
As life unfolds for you:
(a) what will you choose to focus on?
(b) how will you interpret what you focus on?
(c) what will you do and (a) and (b)?
If we see the thorn and not the rose, the past and not the possibility, the lesson and not the learning then we will tend to awfulize.
Awfulizing keeps us stuck in the past exclusively viewing the worst of the world. It then extrapolates from that very selective stance to a future ever and always more dire.
The third lesson is to glamorize rather than awfulize.
If you notice yourself awfulizing, neutralize your runaway thoughts with these two questions.
- How is being attached to this awfulized story influencing my reaction?
- How would I be different in this situation if I were not attached to that story?
It’s a rare situation that goes as badly as the scenarios you make up in your mind beforehand.
So what is the worse that can happen? And what is the best that can happen?
Which would you choose to focus on to maximize its chances?
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